Moving On

So as you know, I have been divorced for just over four months now.  Yes, I am still ecstatic about this change in my life, plus many of the others that I have made.  I love my apartment, I am really enjoying my Master's program, and I am learning to enjoy dating again.

The saddest event to occur in the last four months was the loss of Jenny in January.  However she was sick and in pain, and I know that it was the best choice for her.  I hope that she and Jackson are truly enjoying heaven.

Patrick is growing up too quickly and loves to play with both dogs and humans.  He walks on the leash fairly well, rarely jumps on anyone anymore, and loves to eat.  The biggest problem that we still have our cats and squirrels.  I won't even go there.  It can be ugly.

I am beginning to prepare for the 33rd birthday party.  So if you have any fun suggestions, please send them my way.

Pizza Pocket with Sweet Potato

So I needed some fresh ideas for dinner.  So I cooked up some sweet potatoes, rolled out some Pilsbury pizza dough, spread some Dove Mole Sauce on the four sections that I cut, dumped on some sweet potatoes and cheese, and folded and baked it.  The only thing I would change would be to add some butter garlic sauce after it is cooked.

After putting this in the recipe builder it come out to 10 points a piece.  You could change up the seasonings or change to tomato sauce.  Very yummy!

Sarah the Musician

So today I had an amazing moment during my counseling session.  I accepted the fact that I have buried the musician side of my life. I have put myself into my secular schooling, into my religion and into my relationships. 

I have been playing the piano since I was either six or seven (I guess I should ask my mother, cause I don't remember).  I know that I started singing early, and I remember Dad taking me to choir at the age of 10.  Then I was an Alto.  I picked up the flute at 11 and loved it for a year, until we moved and I had a crappy band instructor and dropped it.  At 14 in high school choir I got moved to the Sopranos and have never looked back. 

However come 16, life got busy and the piano lessons stopped.  High school choir stopped because it was the same time as aerobics and I had to get my body back.  I still had church choir and thought that I would play piano on my own.  Obviously that did not happen.  I kept meaning to pick up the piano again in college, but never practiced more then a few times.

Got home and life slowed down a little, but I never got back to the music other then singing in church choir.  When Keith and I finally bought our home, Mom gave me a present by moving the full upright Kimball built in 1901 to our house.  I actually started to play again, and finally decided to take acoustic guitar lessons (a long time dream).  Unfortunately the pressures of life beat me down and I eventually dropped the music again. 

As you know, this last year I dropped my marriage and since then many of my compass points in life have returned to pointing North. Though there was a point in which I almost sold the piano and guitar. 

Then I started going to the Grotto to watch Laura sing.  It was amazing!  I was sitting there at the opening concert, thinking to myself, "why am I not doing stuff like this".  I love this and the way it makes me feel.  The next Sunday, I went back to the church choir.

Then in December after watching Laura sing with her quartet, and having a conversation with Kara about Sariah wanting to learn the piano, I had another serious conversation with myself.  I know piano, I know piano theory and I know how to teach.  So why can't I teach piano?  Obviously if you have seen the apartment, you know the full upright Kimball will not be moving in (currently in storage).  I have a new to me keyboard, the guitar sits next to it in the living room and I now have three piano students. 

So this is my commitment for this year.  To keep my three students going and myself going.  What would be really fun would be to put together a recital for the end of the year with my students and my friends.  Hmm what fun ideas...

Egg and Bok choy

So after eating bok choy, I am sure that I have had it before, but now that I have it lightly sauteed with eggs, I am in love. I also tried it raw and really enjoyed it. It may just become my new favorite platform for peanut butter and laughing cow cheese.
I am starting on having a "clean diet" and today was my kick off. I will need to find a replacement for my favorite Fiber One bars :( and a clean bread/English muffin that is gluten free.
The best part is that these changes will help me adhere to the recommended diet for someone with fibromyalgia and the recipes that I have tested so far have great point plus values. I even put together a menu for week. My weight watcher leader will be so proud of me.
My goal for the first week is to have a diet at least 75% clean. Let's see how it goes.

Eating and Fibromyalgia

Over the last year and a half since I was diagnosed with Fribromyalgia, I have made many changes in my life, including in my daily activity and in the foods that I eat.  My body has continued to become healthier every day, though there were a few set backs.  I have now raised my medication for the second time, and find myself really starting to focus on how what I eat affects my symptoms. 

The basic guidelines for individuals who suffer from Fibromyalgia are:
- Glutton/yeast free
- Dairy free or only processed dairy (cheese and yogurt)
- Artificial sweetener free
- Any nightshade plant free (potatoes, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, etc)
- Focus on lean meats
- Food additive free
- Sugar fee
- Caffeine free (yes this includes chocolate)
http://www.webmd.com/fibromyalgia/guide/fibromyalgia-the-diet-connection

Of course as you read the literature, they point out that not all Fibromyalgia patients need to apply all of these rules to their diets, but these are the categories that most dietary changes fall under that Fibromyalgia patients have found significant in decreasing symptoms.  Again the joy of Fibromyalgia is that it generally affects each of us in different ways.

For myself, I have already made the following changes to my diet.  I generally have very little dairy and will use almond milk as an alternative.  If I have cheese though, I go for the real thing but cut back the quantity and take a lactaid pill.  I try to keep my glutton intake to a minimum. I still have 1/4 cup of oatmeal in the morning and noodles in my soup at lunch.  Occasionally I have some for dinner in the form of a pita or roll. 

I really try to avoid artificial sweetener except for in the gum that I chew, and I generally focus on eating lean meats.  I have basically cut the caffeine down to just a few times a week for soda, though, I still have a little chocolate daily that is on my Fiber One bar.  I have cut back on sugar, which has been a natural part of my overall change in lifestyle and diet.

However the nightshade plants are a killer.  I love potatoes and sweet potatoes.  I have even grown an appreciation for a good tomato.  I mean what is better then fresh mozzarella and tomatoes (I know, two bad foods for me)!

However as my waist line continues to decrease, but my medication goes up, I am starting to realize that more sacrifices are ahead.  Sigh!

Music - The Dusty Talent on the Shelf

During the last three months of renovating my life, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on things that I used to do that I sacrificed to make room for other priorities.  Well at least things that I thought should have a higher priority.

One of those things was my musical talent.  Over the years, I have continued to sing in church and occasionally in choir, but I would rarely practice the piano and only took the guitar lessons for a short time period despite making good progress during my lessons.  Mostly, I would put these things aside because though my spouse initially supported my efforts eventually they interfered with his comfort or my ability to take care of him, which of course made him grumpy and upset.  Instead of standing up for myself, I would stop focusing on my musical skills to "work on our relationship".  These were probably some of the most self destructive times in my life.

I still have a lot of anxiety about performing, and I am hoping that the therapy I am doing with my counselor will help me to work through that, as ultimately it is all tied back to my negative shelf talk. 

I do know how to read music, and I know some music technique and theory.  I believe that I have a talent in music, and I hope that with practice I will become more comfortable with sharing it.  I know how it feels to share my voice in a choir, and I know that I want to have the same experience with the piano and the guitar.  I guess what I need to figure out is how not to give up on myself down the road as I start to hit the road blocks. 

What I would really like to do is establish some goals and rewards for myself connected to this particular talent.  I would like the rewards to not be related to food, as I am really striving to get away from that concept.  I would like the goal to be something that requires me to put myself out there.  Suggestions are welcome.

Understanding

I have, of late, been working on knowing what I need to know to not get myself into another destructive relationship.

Last Saturday night I was mall shopping and of course topped off my trip with some luxury time in Barnes and Noble. I found this fantastic book called "Why Does He Do That" by Lunford Bancroft. It is a book meant to help abuses understand the mind of the abuser.

I picked up the book hoping to learn the early warning signs of an abuser personality and I have also gained major insight into so many other facets. It has made it a lot easier to cope with the current abusers still in my life and hopefully will potential help me minimize my exposure to them.

Tonight was the Live Nativity at the Joy to the World event.  This was another chance for me to interact with the people in our stake.  It also meant that I was able to see many of my favorite people from the Riverside Ward. 

I actually left early for the event so that I could take the tour and really get into the spirit of the message before working with the children.  I accomplished my goal and so much more.  Sitting there listening to music and realizing that I was surrounded by families was actually very hard.  Much harder then I ever thought that it would be. 

I also was able to visit with individuals who expressed their love for me and told me that they missed me.  I cannot even express in words how hard it was to leave my ward family.  It still hurts so much.  I love me new ward, but walking out on my old one...is heartbreaking.